On The Move and Downsizing
Aging, moving, purging, and downsizing. The next words may be inevitable, stressful, puzzling and impossible. Life is full of changes. As children, we play house. We look forward to that day when we will set up our first home. However, as children we do not practice “downsizing” even though it is part of adulthood too.
These two experiences evoke two very different feelings. While establishing a home is exciting and fun, downsizing is filled with the pressures of making decisions and parting with long-held objects. Nevertheless, a good attitude, sound advice and enough time can help smooth the path. Let’s learn about a person who made the best of the situation.
Becoming an Expert
Mary Lou Ferbert, native Clevelander and a woman past her octogenarian induction, is nearing the end of her downsizing journey. Her experiences may provide insight to your future downsizing dilemmas and help you find the courage to start the process.
Let’s get to know Mary Lou to better understand the physical and emotional task she had before her. Mary Lou is a not only a lovely person, but she is also a college graduate, CIA grad, regional watercolorist, mother, grandmother, great grandmother, widow, and friend to many.
Mary Lou was married in the late 1940s and she and her husband bought their first home in 1951. Bought on a whim, the house - a welcoming Dutch colonial in Rocky River with wonderful gardens, brick drive and double lot - served Mary Lou and her family well for decades. She raised her children there, had her art studio there and hosted many family gatherings there. Living in this home for nearly 65 years made the ties to its emotional and tangible treasures even stronger.
During her great and long marriage, she accumulated wonderful treasures: family pieces stretching back three generations, great finds from shops around town, personal works and untraditional souvenirs from trips around the globe. The first question she asked herself was where to start. Mary Lou believes all items have a life that can be extended by giving them to family or through donation.
Mary Lou notes the happiness a steamer trunk gave her as a young lady traveling off to college for the first time. The trunk became a burden later in life, so it was donated to a local theater group. The joy has been transferred to the theater, and Mary Lou’s trips down Clague Road bring a smile as she passes the theater.
Selling was another option for items that weighed Mary Lou down. This is how Mary Lou and I met. She had been downsizing for two years. Having rejected the invasion of an estate sale, Mary Lou wanted to systematically consider what to part with and sell them one or two at a time.
Mary Lou set out on a journey that has spanned fiveyears, combing through her treasures and considering the fate of each. For example, the family china (it was gorgeous) was not in the style of her children, grandchildren or even her great grandchildren. The china and other items that fell into this category were placed for sale with Mitchell Sotka. Thus, another family would create memories around these treasures.
Although Mary Lou has always treated her painting as a career, certain paintings have been retained for the family’s collections. As a professional painter, she has sold her work at Bonfoey’s, donated works to organizations and placed other works in public collections and museums. Lucky for us her painting will continue in her new studio.
Mary Lou is not a collector. She has purchased pieces that strike her fancy and are aesthetically pleasing to her. In dismantling her home, she has used the same criteria. She asked herself if a piece would work visually and physically in her new home.
You may be thinking this was easy for her. Not so. Given a dwindling group of friends - some becoming permanent snowbirds and others in declining health, she felt change was a must. Emotions run deep but reality prevails. Mary Lou wanted to spend quality and relaxed time with family, not forced and energy-draining short trips.
Something as simple as a bench has caused a lot of debate. The bench has sat outside Mary Lou’s home forever. It’s where her kids would rest from a long day at play or where she would sit with friends. The emotional hold is there, but the bench cannot go with her. What to do? I think the answer will come - perhaps a gift to the new owners with a story of the bench’s life.
Downsizing in Steps
Mary Lou has broken downsizing into steps. First, she allowed herself time to make clear decisions. She asked her family about taking pride in ownership for certain pieces and donated other items to the organizations of her choice. She sought the assistance of a trustworthy person to sell some items (via consignment, buy out, auction or other form).
As Mary Lou wraps things up in Cleveland, she has gained enough experience to provide a little personal advice on downsizing. If you see her on the streets, feel free to ask her. However, for those who may not have this opportunity, she leaves you with these words: Life has been a bowl of cherries, so suck it up and do it.
To paraphrase, downsizing is not easy but think long term. Keep your memories and stories. Pass along the stories of the pieces you are parting with, allow them to have a new chapter. Find resources you can trust and depend on. Once you move, it may not be the same, it may be better.
Best wishes in your transition!